Be protective of your “Mom time” and shift your paradigms when it comes to homeschooling.

In this current moment, when parents are stuck between the world of Pinterest perfection and the hopelessness of what seems like never-ending isolation, parental overwhelm and burnout becomes the elephant in the room. We are trapped between a culture that demands we care for, entertain, and nourish our children around the clock and a government that offers little in the way of material help, such as national paid parental leave or subsidized child care. These demands stretch back well before COVID-19, but the pandemic has laid bare the issue. What can we do then, as mothers and fathers, to stave off overwhelm and burnout?

Mother culture. A term coined by popular homeschool philosopher Charlotte Mason, mother culture is a journey parents undertake alongside their children. We spend so much time ferrying children around to lessons and practices that we forget we, too, have minds that need nourishing. At home, we create an atmosphere for our children that fosters creativity and exploration. They are free to dig through bins of Legos or rummage through art supplies.

Take moments out of each day to rummage through your own bins, figuratively speaking. Fill your own cup so that when the time comes to fill the cups of those around you, you aren’t pouring from an empty vessel. Whether this comes in the form of listening to your favorite true-crime podcast, reading a book, or asking the piano teacher for lessons of your own, mother culture is whatever you make of it. What better way to show your children that their education doesn’t end after high school than to model what it looks like to be a lifelong learner.

Shift your mindset. Question the prevailing wisdom about what education looks like, feels like and sounds like. Not all education happens within a classroom. Education can be a juicy conversation after watching a compelling documentary together, a podcast about how their favorite Pokemon connects to biology, or an afternoon trying to figure out the physics of downhill skiing.

For example, when you realize your child’s latest video game obsession teaches him strategic thinking, how currency works, and helps with reading fluency, you can mentally flip one of society’s biggest nags (all video games are bad for kids) and foster closeness by showing interest in their hobbies. When the love of that video game is transferred into artwork, reading books about its lore and joining online conversation clubs, you’ve helped facilitate this mindset shift in your own children. This isn’t to say traditional educational subjects should be shirked altogether, but it’s liberating to change our view from thinking all knowledge is transferred by sitting and listening.

Reach out. Although social media is certainly a double-edged sword, it can also be cathartic and reassuring. Parents all over are experiencing similar struggles. Groups on Facebook can offer a place to vent frustrations and connect with parents facing the challenges of modern parenting (Pandemic Edition). If Facebook isn’t for you, there are other groups off the platform that offer a sense of community when isolation has become a social norm. Subreddits and Instagram are bountiful with parents sharing struggles and revelations alike.

If you’re feeling burnt out and so overwhelmed that things that used to bring joy are suddenly dull and colorless, therapy apps are a wonderful way to connect with professionals, and many accept insurance. Prevailing culture would have us believe that to struggle shows weakness when, in fact, showing vulnerability take courage and strength.

Set boundaries. This one is difficult due to the nagging guilt we begin to feel when we set boundaries with our children. It is especially difficult when you have little ones always underfoot and toddlers laying siege to the bathroom door. However, combined with the powers of a mindset shift, setting boundaries can be a lifesaver and also encourages independence in our little ones. Will there be pushback? Of course. But gentle reminders and redirections go a long way. We often set boundaries with children in order to keep them safe. As they grow and mature, give yourself permission to extend those boundaries to guilt-free, quiet adult time.

A systemic cultural realignment probably isn’t in our immediate future, but we can take time in our own lives to make simple changes — changes that reassert our own value as humans in a time when it’s so easy to become lost in the fog.

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Alex Hobbs, based in Irrigon, is a former educator turned full-time homeschooling mother of two boys, age 8 and 10.