Boomerland: Seenagers revel in newfound independence

Published 7:00 am Thursday, March 27, 2025

Perhaps you’ve seen them — guys in their 60s or 70s cruising Main Street in Pendleton, La Grande or Baker City with rock music, the best cars … and not so great hair.

Like teenagers, these guys revving classic Dodge Chargers, Plymouth Roadrunners and Chevy Malibus think they can do anything short of staying up past 9 p.m.

Peterson

They are seenagers (or “senior teenagers”).

Remember being a teen? Every day you grew stronger, quicker, more nimble. Having unlimited access to the internal Energizer Bunny, you learned to drive a four-on-the-floor or a three-on-the-tree — leaving your driver’s training instructor with permanently raised eyebrows.

Now, 40-plus years of work later, you’re the one with permanently raised eyebrows.

Sure, slide rule-using, phone number-remembering, change-counting, smoke ring-blowing, coin-saving seenagers are shrinking in height and muscle mass. Yes, they may have the energy of a sloth. But they have few worries.

What remains of their bucket list can now be printed on a Post-It note.

Only “yesterday,” seenagers were teenagers. “Overnight,” they became adults and did what had to be done to keep a roof over their head. Astronaut dreams soon became bread truck driver reality.

Now seenagers are rounding third base of life and heading for home with few cares. They visit the car part store. They wish they could shop at a human parts store where, say, they could buy a new knee for $9.99.

Teenagers and seenagers revel in newfound independence. Teenagers celebrate independence from parents. Seenagers celebrate independence from 40-plus years of sweaty annual reviews and humid staff meetings that helped them understand the meaning of “eternity.”

Teenagers look for identity. Seenagers already know who they are. Although growing more patient, they have accepted they will not be the next Einstein.

Being a seenager has other advantages. We don’t have to rush to school or work. We get a meager allowance from Social Security each month (earned working 40-plus years like a beaver high on wood chips).

We have no curfew.

We have a driver’s license and our own car, however dented or rusted.

We can legally take drugs, even though now they are prescription and cost a fortune.

Teenagers seek more freedom. Seenagers already have freedom — except for rent, insurance, grocery bills, car loans and over-the-counter medicines to deal with volcanic gas.

Seenagers have no acne (or at least not as much) and can stay up as late as they want — even if 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

Seenagers have no homework. They can sleep in — even though now they generally wake up at 3 a.m. with no alarm clock.

Somehow, seenagers got through school ages ago without a smartphone. Now one seems indispensable, as a multifunction tool offering calculator, tape measure, camera — and a way to get brain rot.

Teenagers, though, have one big advantage. Their metabolism allows them to eat dinner at their own home and a friend’s — and not gain weight. Seenagers can gain 10 pounds walking by a cake. If they go to a friend’s house and walk by a cake, they gain 20 pounds.

Teenagers have fun with friends and enjoy work. Seenagers enjoy not working. Seenagers have difficulty adapting to new ideas and ways of doing things, but if they want to try something new, nothing stands in the way but their itsy-bitsy budget.

Teenagers need lots of sleep. Seenagers generally wake up five times a night, which is why during the day they take naps — like cats in a sunbeam.

Teenagers will soon graduate. They’ll have careers and families and, in a flash, become seenagers cruising the gut in classic SUVs, playing rap.

Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.

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Jeff Petersen retired after a 40-plus-year career, mainly in newspapers, and lives in Milton-Freewater. Reach him at jeffp557@gmail.com.

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