Keeping your child’s room clean can feel like an uphill fight. Amidst the clutter of toys, books and clothes, establishing a tidy and organized space might seem like a distant dream. You ask, you cajole, you bribe, you plead, you nag, you yell. Finally, you give up, grab the black trash bag, march in — perhaps you’re even wearing full PPE — and you do the dang thing yourself. Sound familiar?

For many of us, it may seem more practical to clean our child’s room ourselves; it gets done and done the way we like it. However, the responsibility of cleaning your child’s room should not rest solely on you. I recommend a balanced approach that evolves over time. Children are incredibly capable and with the right guidance can learn to clean and maintain their own spaces.

Lead by example. For better or worse, children often emulate our behavior. If we want our children to learn to clean their rooms, we must demonstrate the importance of cleanliness and organization in our own spaces. When our children see us take care of our belongings and keep our areas clean, they are more likely to adopt those habits.

I make my bed every morning. I used to make my daughter’s bed. I still remember walking into her room the first time she made it herself. She was four and a half and so proud of herself. I hadn’t asked her to and I had never explicitly shown her how, but she had watched me and figured it out.

Start with a clean slate. The first step in maintaining a clean room is starting with a thorough clean-up/reset. No matter the age of your child, I suggest you work with them on this. Start by decluttering. When our spaces start to feel out of control, it’s often because we have too much stuff. Plus, you can’t effectively clean or organize until you declutter. Engage your child in the process to help them understand the value of their belongings and make decisions about what they truly need or want. Remind them that we should only keep what we can responsibly care for and manage.

Next help your child organize their belongings. Everything needs a home, make it easy, use storage bins and labels.

This helps younger children remember where things go. Put things where your children can easily reach and access.

The easier it is, the more likely your child can maintain it.

Establish routines. As with decluttering, consistency is key when it comes to maintaining cleanliness. Establish daily, weekly, and monthly routines to keep the room tidy. A consistent schedule for cleaning can help children understand when and how their rooms should be tidied. For example: we make our beds and put our clothes in the hamper daily, we vacuum weekly and we declutter monthly.

Set realistic expectations. While it’s important to strive for a clean and organized room, it’s equally important to set realistic goals. Children, especially younger ones, may not clean as thoroughly or as quickly as you would. They may lack the skills and attention span necessary for thorough cleaning. Be patient and provide gentle guidance. When my daughter is stuck, I break the room into small tasks for her and hand them out one by one. I might start with: “Put your books away.” After she’s done that, I might say: “Put away your dress-up clothes.” I don’t do the work for her, but I guide her through it.

Learn to be OK with “good enough.” Does my daughter make her bed as straight as I would? No. Is that OK? Yes. Praise their efforts, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement can motivate them to keep up the good work. Encourage responsibility. Ultimately the goal is to help your child take ownership of their space and feel responsible for its upkeep. Gradually increase their responsibilities as they grow older. For younger children, this might mean putting away toys and making their bed. Older children can take on more complex tasks such as organizing their closet or cleaning their windows. Encourage them to take pride in their room and understand that a clean space can contribute to a pleasant environment.

Maintaining a clean and organized room is an ongoing process that requires effort from both parents and children. By working together, we can model good habits and provide guidance, while our children learn to take pride in and responsibility for their personal space.