Why date nights matter — especially for parents

Published 12:00 am Thursday, February 1, 2024

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After more than a year of being an empty nester, if there is one piece of advice I could go back and give to my younger self, it would be to make the time to connect weekly with my partner. It is so easy to get caught up in the busy schedules of school, work and kids’ activities. It seems like we are always looking for ways to carve out time for self-care, but we sometimes overlook the importance of caring for our relationship and the many benefits that come with it.

Your children are not the only people growing in your household. Over the years, we change in many ways — our interests, how we handle situations, the things we are willing to tolerate. I was married at 22 and I can tell you I am not the same person I was back then. We are shaped by the things that happen to us along the way. It can be difficult to navigate these changes between yourself and your partner when you don’t make a point to connect on a regular basis.

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Studies show that setting aside quality time to spend with your partner is incredibly healthy, not only for your relationship but also for your mind, body and even your children’s happiness. It increases intimacy not just physically but mentally. Here are four takeaways that highlight how a weekly date night can enhance your relationship.

Communication: Spending time with your partner one-on-one gives you a chance to communicate and work through any problems that might be cropping up. Not having time to talk through things without being interrupted can be frustrating, so take yourselves out of the home, put down your phones and step out of your role as parents for an hour or two. It isn’t just about better communication it is about quality communication. It can be as simple as taking a walk or having a picnic. Send the kids to grandma and grandpa’s and have a date at home, if necessary, but create an environment where you can talk and not worry about interruptions.

Reduce stress, anxiety and increase immunity: Do you ever just feel better after quality one-on-one time with your partner? There is a real connection between that bond and your health. Not only does it reduce stress and anxiety, but a strong relationship can also increase immunity, help you heal faster and lower your blood pressure. It is nourishment for your mind and your heart.

Greater intimacy: This isn’t just about physical intimacy, it is also that deep connection that only comes when you feel comfortable opening yourself fully to your partner. Having the ability to talk to them about anything, even those deep issues you might struggle with or telling them your dreams and goals. Has your partner ever just known something was wrong without any real signs from you? That comes from a place of knowing someone on a deeply intimate level and, yes, all that also translates back to a deeper physical connection which also increases happiness.

Happy children: Happy parents often have happy children. When you and your partner make time for each other you are less likely to have discussions filled with tension in front of your children. This can reduce anxiety for your children because they are sensitive to the energy you and your partner put out. Children with parents who make their relationship a priority often do better in school and they themselves learn how to communicate in a healthy and productive way.

The biggest takeaway is that your relationship with your partner is so much more than being parents. You were a couple before children and will be a couple after children, so taking care of your changing relationship is important for long-term happiness. When you look at couples who have been together 50 or 60 years, watch how they interact, how they talk to each other, how they look at each other. This is the foundation that keeps relationships intact. It is this intimacy, knowing someone so well that you are in sync and able to navigate the tough times, that makes for a loving relationship that lasts a lifetime.

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