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Talking about sex can be hard for almost all of us. This is made even tougher by the awkwardness of the teen years and sometimes the inability of adults to strike the right tone when having these big conversations. I think we can all relate to that “cringy” feeling we felt as teenagers when our parents tried to talk with us on the subject.

There are a lot of things to consider. Emotional readiness, pregnancy, mental and physical health, family codes, personal boundaries and consent, for example. It is important to share honestly and openly all components of a healthy sexuality in order to give our kids the tools needed when taking this big step into adulthood.

An important component of “the talk” is giving your young adult an accurate definition of sexual consent. Planned Parenthood defines consent as “an agreement to participate in a sexual activity. Before being sexual with someone, you need to know if they want to be sexual with you too. It’s also important to be honest with your partner about what you want and don’t want.”

Consenting and asking for consent are all about setting your personal boundaries and respecting those of your partner. Both people must agree to sex, every time, for it to be consensual. Against consent, sexual activity is sexual assault or rape. This can be a hard conversation to have with your young adult, but it’s a very important one.

When guiding your teen, share fact-based information regarding their natural and healthy sexuality. Sometimes the details can be disturbing, especially concerning things like sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), but knowledge of healthy practices can create a safer environment. Umatilla County offers free and confidential STD testing through its “Let’s Get Checked” program. Information can be found online at ucohealth.net/sti-testing-treatment. With protective behaviors in decline, like condom use, and HIV and STD testing, it’s becoming critical to educate our youth on the many resources available at no cost.

So, where to start? Here are some tips to promote a healthy discussion on sexuality:

• Introduce “the talk” early to your teen (even pre-teen) and have regular discussions on the topic.
• Seize opportunities to talk – road trips are a great time.
• Be direct and honest. Share that this is hard for you, too.
• Think about your teen’s perspective – your personal code may not be theirs. Regardless, keep the talk respectful and the lines of communication open.
• Do some homework beforehand. The Mayo Clinic offers well-researched information to discuss with your teen, at www.mayoclinic.org – just enter “Sex Education” in their search field. Get informed before speaking to your teen, so you are able to discuss various points and direct them to where they can find reliable information themselves.
• Make a point of discussing unhealthy mental health issues regarding sexuality, as well. While primarily affecting girls, boys can also be affected. Be sure to cover the definition of sexual assault and the importance of consent.

According to Mental Health America, 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men report experiencing an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. Sexual assault consists of any fondling or unwanted sexual touching, forcing or attempting to force a victim to perform sexual acts. Keep in mind this does not just mean physical force, but includes manipulation, coercion, threats and situations where a person is unable to give consent. It’s crucial to remember that sexual violence is never the victim’s fault. Female and LGBTQ students are experiencing these behaviors in alarming numbers. Overall, the rising rate of youth experiencing bullying, sexual violence, poor mental health and/or suicidal thoughts indicate an urgent need for support and education.

By providing quality resources that young people can turn to with questions regarding their sexual health, we can provide them with crucial tools as they grow into healthy adults, both physically and emotionally. Many resources exist to help both parent and teen navigate this challenging time of development. Be patient, educate yourself and be supportive.

Now take a deep breath, you can do this.