Consider these options to keep an eye on things without being too obvious.

I’m at a point in my life where I have four kids, three with phones, two with phone numbers, and one giant guilt trip from thinking I’m just not good enough at monitoring what they are doing on them. So I decided to do some investigating to see what apps would ease my guilt and (kind of) keep my kids safe on their devices.

I wanted something to alert me when my kids were doing, saying, or seeing something inappropriate in texts or on social media. I also wanted to be able to limit their time on apps, approve apps before they were downloaded, and track my children’s locations. An app with geo-fencing would be useful — where you can set a physical perimeter for your child, and get pinged if they leave that perimeter. Here is what I discovered.

A friend of mine was telling me about her experience with Bark, so that’s the one I tried first. It covers virtually all social media apps (except TikTok and Snapchat), texting, web pages, etc. You can determine how tight you want the controls to be. For example, my son kept getting flagged for violence and weapons, but he was really texting his cousin about hunting. I could loosen that control up to only flag more serious things. You can determine screen time and app usage, and I really like that. Bark has no geo-fencing, but there is a location feature. One of my biggest problems is that there is no phone support, although their emails were prompt and friendly. It somehow works through iTunes, which doesn’t work on my computer, so it wouldn’t do automatic updates, etc. You do have to have the app downloaded on all the devices. It costs between $5 and $100 per year, and a free trial is offered.

Qustodio also offers a free version, however, full disclosure here, you will want to pay for any app you use for parental monitoring. None of the free versions cut the mustard. Qustodio can help you limit screen time, has geo-fencing, can monitor social media, and is impressively available in eight languages! You can blacklist or whitelist sites, set time limits, and track your child’s location. Additionally, it is one of the few that offer a panic button for your child.

Unfortunately, there is virtually no real time tech support, and responses can sometimes take days if the reviews I read are honest. The apps that it can monitor are limited in number, but it does include Snapchat. The cost runs from about $55 to $140 per year … not cheap.

Family Time is a Tokyo-based app that’s been around since 2014. They offer geo-fencing (you can see your child’s dot on a map), a way to view calls and messages, and the ability to block apps and websites. One huge bonus is being able to check your teen driver’s speed. On the downside, it does not feature social media monitoring, and doesn’t work well on different operating systems. The customer reviews are very mixed. The cost ranges from $30 to $70 per year.

Kaspersky Safe Kids offers lots of benefits. First, it’s cheap at about $7 per month. You can set screen time limits, control apps, restrict user time, create a geo-fence, and monitor social media. The only real downside that I could find is that it has limited function on iOS, but works well on Android.

The last one that I investigated is called OurPact. The thing I liked most is that it only needs to be downloaded on the parent’s phone. You can set screen time, free time and time limits for apps, and it works on more than one device without having to pay extra. Unfortunately, it only works on iOS and sometimes the child may have to restart his or her phone after asking permission for something. Finally, there is no option to only block certain apps, so you would have to stay on top of what they have downloaded.

As you’ve probably figured out by now, there is no one clear choice. I recommend starting with what’s on your phone system already. Find out what is important to you and find the app that does those things well.

Nothing replaces you as the parent, though. Your children need to know that you are in charge of the phone. Know their passwords and set clear expectations that you will be browsing through their devices often and at will.

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Suzanne Kennedy is a former middle school teacher who lives in Pendleton with her husband and four children.