Ease the way for older children to accept and welcome another little family member

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Even during a pandemic life goes on and families grow. A new baby is a welcome addition, but it pays to do some preparation beforehand with your other children, to smooth the way. Here are some practical steps you might want to try:

Before the baby is born

Most experts agree that a child should learn they’ll be expecting a new sibling at the same time other adults find out a new baby is coming. Even a toddler can recognize something is changing and may feel excluded or fearful if they aren’t informed about what the difference is. Sitting down with your child or children sooner rather than later also prevents well-meaning family members from spoiling the surprise.

Telling your child about the new arrival early also allows time to let the news sink in before the new baby arrives. As a bonus, telling your child early can let them feel more involved in the process — they can help buy baby supplies and pick out clothes and toys. Older children may be able to learn more about taking care of the baby and have opportunities to take on more responsibilities.

No matter how involved he is, however, your first child may still become jealous with all the attention going to the new baby.

Create special time for the older child with dad or another relative — before the new baby is born. Having a regular, special activity can help the child adjust to the “new normal” at home by giving them moments where things are just the same as they were before. And making the special time with another friend or family member means Mom doesn’t have to stress about keeping that tradition going while handling a new baby.

Once Mom enters the third trimester, it’s not recommended to make any major changes for the older sibling. Making a child switch rooms or move out of a crib can make him feel replaced instead of excited about the new addition.

Bonus: The pregnancy gurus at What to Expect recommend finding quiet time activities for toddlers or preschoolers who may have trouble understanding how much sleep an infant needs and how odd that schedule may be. Let your child participate in making a list of quiet activities they will enjoy and help them understand the importance of being quiet while the baby is sleeping.

In the hospital

When introducing the older child to their new sibling, have the parents available to hold and hug the older child if they choose to. Some children may be scared by the hospital bed or medical equipment and my not want to hug Mom, but others may want to run into her arms. Seeing Mom in that environment and meeting a new baby can be emotionally overwhelming, so give the older child the flexibility to react to the situation. Have another family member or friend hold the new baby during the introduction so the older child doesn’t feel replaced or resentful, and can go to mom or dad if desired.

Remind family and friends when visiting the new baby to also give some time and attention to the older child — at least a greeting –— and not unintentionally ignore them. If friends are bringing gifts for the new addition, ask some of them to bring a gift for the older sibling as well or create a stockpile of items a family member could give to the older child when the baby receives gifts.

At home

Be prepared for the potential of acting out or regressing. Children may be facing resentment and fear of losing their parents, but they’re also going to be anxious about how things are changing. Instead of getting angry, step up the attention the older child gets and make sure to provide plenty of praise when he or she acts like a big kid. While some kids may make the transition without complaint, others may take up to six months to adjust to a new baby.

Doctors and parenting experts agree, the overall message for helping children prepare and adjust to a new sibling is to make sure they still feel loved and important.

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Jennifer Colton is news director of KOHU and KQFM, and mother of three, based in Pendleton.