∞: How often I’ve seen public service announcements from the Ad Council’s Coronavirus Response campaign. However, I still don’t know what “Dance to a jam” means. And as positive COVID-19 cases continue to climb, I’m not convinced that residents of Umatilla County understand #AloneTogether. Maybe we should boogie in the boonies, tango in the tules or two-step in the sticks — then maybe we’ll rhumba the ‘rona away.

89: Number of days in a row (March 5-June 2) eating food prepared at home. John and I enjoyed tag-teaming in the kitchen (in addition to a few Marie Callender frozen meals) for nearly three months before taking advantage of takeout.

70: Longest stretch between hair appointments. Since I typically go every 35 days, I sported a reverse skunk look that revealed the secret that previously only my hairdresser knew for sure — my real hair color.

50: Half-racks of Pepsi Zero Sugar consumed since becoming unemployed in late March. My name is Tammy and I’m a Pepsi addict. While working, I typically didn’t drink it after 5 p.m. These days I can sleep in if I have caffeine-induced insomnia. Formerly called Pepsi Max, each ccccan has twice the amount of ccccaffeine as regular Pepsi.

23: Amazon orders since mid-March. In comparison, I made eight orders during the prior four months. I haven’t turned into a shopaholic — 11 of the orders were for my mom and pops, who have utilized me as their pandemic personal shopper. It comes with benefits, as they often send a tip so I can maintain my Pepsi addiction.

12: Times John and I have ordered takeout from restaurants, including Lawan’s Thai Garden (3), La Palma (2), Denny’s (2), Panda Express (2), Nookie’s (1), Veg Out (1) and Pietro’s Pizza (1).

8: Times I’ve used Walmart pickup order service. Prior to the pandemic, John did most of our grocery shopping. I only went inside Walmart three times in 2019. I prefer shopping sales or paying more at Safeway rather than risking raising my blood pressure by entering Walmart. While I still shop at Safeway for produce or other good deals, I wish they offered pickup service — it would make stocking up on Pepsi a lot easier.

7: Number of times I’ve traveled outside of Hermiston (other than taking Lucifer and the General to the river) since the initial stay-home order in March — including Umatilla (four times) and once each to Stanfield, Pendleton and Hood River.

4: Letters I’ve received from the Oregon Employment Department questioning why I worked a few hours one week and none the next. Despite repeated efforts explaining that I’m writing monthly freelance columns for both the East Oregonian and Hermiston Herald, they obviously are incapable of simply cross-referencing my weekly claim forms.

3: Times I’ve willfully gone against the arrow in aisles at Safeway. I apologize to anyone who may have been offended — my knee hurt and I was disillusioned that my prayers weren’t answered that the arrow would be in the “right” direction. Also, there have been times where I simply forgot about the arrows. Also, I admit I have walked backward 10 feet rather than circling around to get John’s coffee.

0: Number of times I’ve been able to reach an employee with the Oregon Employment Department via telephone. While I don’t want to reach out and touch someone, it might be easier to verbally explain my situation. In addition, I wouldn’t have to venture into the post office to buy stamps and mail their questionnaire.