Esteemed Umatilla County commissioners, leaders, representatives, law enforcement, community members and all residents with the most deepest sincerity of what’s left of my heart and life, I would like to apologize for my wrongful doings.

The letter written by me came from a dark, low place. It should have never been written. My intentions were to speak with our community’s leadership and discuss the issues that members of the community do face. In my moment of weakness and desperation, I wrote the letter to use that as an example to speak with officials. It soon quickly turned into a police report, and then an investigation. I had no intentions of filing a report in regards to the letter, but then this moment turned into a place of deceit. I would like to apologize to all through and throughout the county of Umatilla and the nation.

I apologize for my actions that I have confessed of doing. I apologize for any hurt and pain I have caused. I apologize for any struggles and displeasure in any community. I apologize to any public service member and leadership, as it is not an easy task to lead multitudes of people with different beliefs, thoughts, and opinions.

Making the decision for many lives is a hard task in which, regardless of the final choice made, someone is still unhappy, unsatisfied, and unserved.

I apologize to every single person of the community in which I do strongly desire to be thriving and successful. I apologize to the congregation I once belonged to as I had resigned my position and place back in April. I apologize to my wife, to whom I’ve done the most wrong by not sharing and speaking up or out about my life and feelings. I have kept so much bottled up inside, feeling the full weight of the world on my shoulders, feeling alone and out of place many times here in my own community.

I accept and acknowledge I was not suited or fit to be in public office or leadership. I have been dealing with many emotions, feelings, and thoughts for several months, which I tried so hard to hide behind a smile and a lie, saying, “Everything is OK, we’re going to fix this.” Anxiety, depression, loneliness, anger, bitterness, thoughts of unworthiness and failure filled my life long before my campaign, but I pushed to get past them, telling myself it’s all going to be all right. My health condition did not aid any of my thoughts and feelings.

I once again do ask for forgiveness and apologize for my actions and wrongful doing. I once confided in God and called him my rock. With time, I lost track of that and steered away from him. I can only seek and ask him for his forgiveness once again and mend that relationship we had in due time.

I’m a still having the hardest time coping with all that is happening. This COVID has also affected my life and family with its effects — physically, mentally, emotionally, and economically. It has affected my health and my family. It has brought loneliness and depression, it has brought pain and economic issues, as my wife’s hard-working business had to be closed for the safety of others.

I know I am only but one man, but one man who can try and hope to come to a place of peace and compassion. I do, with my most sincerity, regret that letter and actions. I do encourage the community to work strongly and united to overcome the obstacles that are still ahead of all. To set aside all and any hard differences that are simply opinions, and work to make solid solutions for the progression of all.