HEPPNER — COVID-19 is changing how we say goodbye.

Instead of holding hands and hugging, family and friends must grieve differently in a time of social distancing. With restrictions on gatherings, many families opt to delay memorials. Some forge ahead with services using live feeds and webcasting.

On March 7, Heppner lost Father Gerald Condon, a beloved retired priest who served at St. Patrick and St. William parishes in Heppner and Condon. Because gatherings were restricted to 10 people or less, what would have been a well-attended service was live streamed to far-flung mourners in their homes.

“There were six casket bearers, the people doing the music, the priest and one close friend from Ireland,” said funeral director Patrick Sweeney, who owns Sweeney Mortuary in Heppner.

The option to watch via technology was appreciated, he said. Viewers sent positive feedback.

Funeral directors in the time of COVID-19 must have difficult conversations with family members about arrangements. Albany funeral director/embalmer Wally Ordeman, executive director of the Oregon Funeral Directors Association, said most funeral directors are finding themselves in uncharted waters.

“Funeral directors aren’t wired to say no,” he said. “They are accommodating and compassionate. They want families to memorialize the way they want.”

Many are choosing to put off services indefinitely.

“It’s troublesome when (families) have to hit the pause button,” Ordeman said.

Ron Martin, of Pendleton Pioneer Chapel, said families are reacting to state mandates on gathering size with disappointment, but also understanding. Some have opted to postpone while others go ahead despite social distancing and radically reduced guest lists. Martin did his first live streaming of a rosary, and then a service on Friday. He said the service reached 1,175 people and the rosary had 29 views. On Tuesday, he planned to live stream a graveside service.

Martin said he marvels at how many family members worry about him.

“I am touched by people wanting to make sure they do the right thing so I don’t get in trouble,” he said, adding, “we checked with the Oregon Funeral Director Association to make sure we do everything right.”

Ordeman said many are choosing cremation to give the option of scheduling memorials at a later date, but that a tightened economy is also a factor since cremation is more affordable than burial.

“If we take lessons from 2008,” he said, “when people who are watching their wallets are on the fence about burial or cremation, they may choose cremation.”

He speculated that between 75% and 85% of all Oregonians who die are cremated, though the percentage is lower in rural areas.

The three veteran funeral director/embalmers said they haven’t yet treated the body of a person who died of COVID-19, but they know what to do. The procedure is already in place and they’ve been abiding by it for years.

“Most funeral directors are pretty aware of what we have to do,” Sweeney said. “It’s standard practice and procedure.”

Martin, in his 49th year as a funeral director, said anyone could have a serious contagious disease. He uses protective equipment during body transport and embalming.

“Funeral directors and embalmers are trained in universal precautions,” Ordeman said. “We’re geared up and trained to deal with really ugly, contagious diseases.”

All three look forward to a time when people can gather for memorials complete with hugs and closure.

“The community kind of suffers,” Martin said. “Services are really important to people.”