Nothing puts coal in your stocking faster then a really bad Christmas movie and there are plenty to choose from. Here’s a list of some of the worst you can leave under your Christmas tree.

10 Prancer (1989). The timelessly dreary tale of a young girl and her reindeer. This movie answers the question why there is only one song about Santa’s reindeer, because the rest of them are just so darn boring. Although this film does have the single redeeming factor of having Abe Vigoda (Fish from TV’s Barney Miller) it’s hardly enough to pull this sleigh out of the snow.

9 Jingle all the Way (1996). Before Arnold Schwarzenegger had any political aspirations he was actually an actor, but you wouldn’t know it from watching this holiday bore-a-thon. The idea of having two frantic fathers searching for the same hugely popular holiday toy is a good one that is rendered completely ineffective by this film. Here’s hoping Schwarzenegger does better with California’s economy then he does in this film.

8Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984). Nothing brings the family together more then a psychopathic killer in a Santa suit. Although it’s hard for Hollywood to believe, horror and Christmas mix about as well as eggnog and orange juice and this yuletide scare-fest is proof positive.

7Jack Frost (1998). Many actors go to great lengths to stretch their talents, but Michael Keaton just went too far on this. After being tragically killed in a car accident, Keaton is given a second life as a snowman. In snow-dad form, Keaton tries to help his family deal with the change which may not be a great idea, especially during summer vacations in Hawaii. This film is not to be confused with another movie with the same title that has a serial killer transferring his DNA into an animated snowman that goes on a rampage. And I did not make any of that up, you can rent that but I would not advise it.

6The Santa Clause (1994). The Tim Allen bad movie train continues with this early 1990s Christmas stinker. Word of advice: If a Santa falls off of your roof, just call the police and get in the house, otherwise you might be forced into a nightmare world of uncontrollable weight gain and quickly growing facial hair.

5I’ll Be Home for Christmas (1998). Not to be outdone by TV dad Tim Allen, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, formerly of Home Improvement, comes to the big screen to show just why he should have stuck with television. It’s the time honored story of a college kid stranded in a Santa suit trying to get to New York in time to get a new car. Now who has not had that happen to them? After this the actor with three first names has been strangely absent from film. I wonder why?

4Santa Claus (1959). This film goes beyond being bad and dips dangerously low into being hazardous to your health. It’s the story of Santa Claus battling a mischievous imp named Pitch. You probably won’t find this film on any video shelf and you should count yourself lucky that you don’t. The plot is like a fruitcake induced bad dream. Just watching this film once is enough to induce holiday seizures.

3 Ernest Saves Christmas (1988). In the depths of ’80s pop culture lives the Ernest movie series, and no series would be complete without this backwoods stumblebum’s interpretation of Christmas. The plot doesn’t matter and the direction is nonexistent. If you are looking for a way to get your kids to fall asleep early on Christmas Eve then just set them down in front of the television with this one in the VCR. Sugar Plums will be dancing in there heads faster then you can say “know what I mean?”

2Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992). Some holiday traditions are worth repeating like eating too many Christmas cookies or shaking your presents until they break. Making a sequel to Home Alone was not one of them. McCauley Culkin’s career has never rebounded from the death-blow that this movie gave it. As ludicrous a concept as the first Home Alone was, it still was pre-teen fun. The sequel was nothing more then a shameless attempt to cash in on a concept that barely worked the first time. Home Alone 2 should be left alone on the movie shelf.

1Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964). Yes this is the best of the worst. Nowhere short of Godzilla vs. Bambi is there a more weird character mix on film. The plot reads like this: The poor children of Mars have no Christmas joy because there is no Santa Claus, so they decide to kidnap jolly old Saint Nick and bring him back to their undecorated planet.

This movie features a robot made out of boxes like the one you dress your 6-year-old in for Halloween, and an actor in a polar bear suit where you can see where the headpiece fits on the rest of the costume. This movie also holds the first film appearance for a young Pia Zadora, who plays an emotionless Martian youngster.

The strangest thing about this movie is that it’s so bad that you can’t help but watch it all the way through. You just can’t wait to see what will come next. If you are upset that Christmas only comes once a year, a quick glimpse of any of these movies will make you change your mind. Happy viewing!

Brook Griffin can be reached at 1-800-522-0255 ext. 1309, or by e-mail at bgriffin@eastoregonian.com.