Perhaps the greatest blessing in marriage is that it lasts so long. The years combine to buttress and enrich each other. Out of many shared years, one life. In a series of temporary relationships, one misses the ripening, gathering, harvesting joys, the deep, hard-won truths of marriage. – Richard Cabot

I believe that.

I’ve been testing it out for 30 years. So far so good.

I wouldn’t presume to suggest that my ingredients for a happy relationship is the only recipe that works. I know from literature, example and experience that a man and a woman can form a deeply satisfying union that offers security but also challenges, pleasant predictability but also excitement and surprises, contrasts but also reassuring understanding and compatibility. But that’s me. I’ll leave it to others to find their way to relationship bliss.

My favorite statement about love is this: “If love does not elevate you, does not force you to be a better person than you thought it was in you to be, then it’s not love.” Spoken by Michael Nava on the verge of losing his companion to AIDS.

My prerequisites for relationships are kindness and respect. With all the meanness and violence in the world, I refuse to begrudge anyone a loving relationship. I’ll leave judgment to someone more omniscient and empathetic than mere mortals.

As for me, I’m just glad that a man and a woman can mesh so well, particularly if we allow time to smooth the sharp edges of criticism and self importance.

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It was her smile. That did it.

Of course, as a teen-ager, I was attracted to her many other attributes as well. The teen-ager in me still is, oh yeah.

But it was her smile that first caught my eye and tugged at my heart. As I became aquatinted with the personality behind it, it became even more dazzling.

We married straight out of high school. I’m not promoting that, but it worked great for us. What was the point of wasting time apart when we knew we wanted to be together? Whatever we gave up has never been an issue.

I haven’t forgotten the giddy euphoria of new love. But I’ve learned to appreciate the satisfaction of enduring love and commitment. Some say it takes courage, or madness, to leap into marriage and set severe limits on your life with a lifelong vow, but that’s the way to draw out our deepest emotions and to give our life meaning and style.

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Iris Murdock, an admired author and philosopher, mentioned her parents and work when asked about the most important things in her life. Then she said: “But above all else, the most important thing in my life is my husband. To have had a happy marriage is a very good thing.”

I agree with Iris. The critics are wrong. Marriage is fulfilling, challenging, sometimes aggravating and frustrating, but most often wonderful.

Hal McCune is the EO’s news editor.