Question: I have been caring for my 79-year-old mother with Alzheimer’s since February. Before I started caring for her, she was living with my older brother, who cleaned out my parents’ life savings after my dad died. When the money was gone he wanted to put her in a nursing home. I have two older sisters who never call and neither does my brother. What is the matter with them? She is their mother too.

Since she has been with me my mother has been diagnosed with uterine cancer and had a hysterectomy. Now she is in the middle of radiation therapy, which is making her ill.

I have a family to care for besides mom. I could use the help of my siblings, but they won’t help. I am really stressed out physically and emotionally. I have had to give up my job and many of my friends, and move 300 miles in order to care for mom until she can travel. Now, my husband’s mother called and told us that she has breast cancer. This is overwhelming. How do you deal with all this at once?

Answer: You have a full plate. I can hear the resentment in your letter for your family. I know that you need as much help as you can muster.

Dealing with Alzheimer’s is difficult enough without adding cancer and radiation to the mix. You simply have to take it one day at a time. Don’t dwell on the lack of support from the family, it will add to your stress. Soon you can bring your mother home with you and it will be a little easier.

Find a support group, so you have someone to talk with about the daily problems. Support is essential to all caregivers. Call the Alzheimer’s Association at 800-272-3900. They will help you find a group in your area.

If your brother and sisters can’t find the time to help with mom’s care, perhaps they would send a few dollars each month to help pay for her expenses.

Many families face this same problem. When I was researching my book, I ran across a woman named Connie who was grappling with family problems too.

“Sometimes I feel like I am a member of one of the most dysfunctional families on the face of the earth,” she said. “They aren’t dumb people. I know they must understand just how sick Mom is, so that leaves me wondering if they are just selfish. How do they just go on with their lives like nothing in the world is wrong? I just don’t understand people like that.”

So you see, you are not alone. As long as you will take care of your mom, they will let you do it. It was the same with my family.

Just remember that you are doing the right thing for your mom and be happy that you haven’t had to put her in a home yet. Your mom is lucky to have you.

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If you have questions or suggestions, please send them to bkuhn_1@msn.com or the East Oregonian, P.O. Box 1089, Pendleton, OR, 97801.